Black birthday

Birthday. The day of the year I wanna forget. I've never understood why it has to be celebrated to become older. For me it has always been a normal day, I've never felt earning that celebration. Maybe I'm harsh but it just the way it's been. If somebody sent me a birthday card or wished me happy birthday, I didn't know how to take it. 


Until now I've been hiding hoping it will disappear. The fact is that It'll be there every year at the same time of the year anyway.

Now I've learned to accept, that I'm also allowed to have people over to celebrate me. As weird as it still sounds in my ears.


We'll see if I'll be ready for the first time to change things. It's all up to me...

Words hurt

Bullying is one of todays topics and there's a lot of campagnes against bullying. It's still a huge problem, and I'm not talking about schools. It's a huge problem in our tired society. That psychological terror follows people everywhere: school, work, hobbies...


I personally hate those who doesn't have anything better to do than drive others down. Those people doesn't hate you for who you are. They hate themselves because of what they're not. There's something missing in their lives and they feed themselves by seeing others suffer. What a apathetic way of life. I guess they don't understand how much words can hurt.


At some point it all just fills too much. Those who are offers for bullying maybe starts to believe in those things that's been said. They might blame themselves, believing being useless, being freaks. If that's the case, it can end up really badly. Worst case in scenario it can end up by someone committing a suicide. What a terrible way to end up a life with.


Why isn't there enough place to be different? Because that's what we all are.

Secret fairytale

What we had was real but it all feels like a hundred years ago. It was a fairytale, but everyone knows, that fairytales will end one day. Now I'm wiser, I'm older. I'll never fall in that deep again 'cause I know better. But there are days when I miss that adventure even though it's not worth it. You're not worth it. It's just weird to know that I've been there. I've seen throw something what nobody ever will. I keep reading my diaries knowing the truth, knowing the deepest secrets of that most beautiful fairytale, which will never be told to anyone.

Wake up call

I'm so happy 'cause I can finally fel the sun pushing throw the clouds. I'm noting but a big smile. All my troubles seems to be gone and I can breath again. This winter has been so long and boring, so rainy and cold. Days melting together with nights.
But today, when the sun really shows it's power giving me a reason to wake up of my dream, I can feel the reason to start living again. I can feel the energy running throw my vains bringing me back to life.
Hello world, I've been missing you.

Just a memory

I just can't get you out of my mind. I remember the times we had but I also know, that it all will be gone forever.


Why it has to be so difficult to let go? 


I hate to see you 'cause it hurts so much. I keep torturing myself by looking at you, but I know, that one day I'll wake up and you'll be just a memory.

Just me

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not. It sounds pretty simple, but speaking only for myself I unfortunally don't believe I can live up for that statement. In my world it's something that isn't true. Everything I've ever been throw wouldn't happen if I only would have been myself. Well, I actually am myself and I know what I stand for, but I have no idea what I am 'cause I'm changing after circumstances. I don't belong in any certain category 'cause I'm like a chameleon. Don't know if it's a good thing or not, but I can't change the way I am. 

Electronic world

We don't have to go back more than 20 years and people were living without mobile phones and laptops. People then were not more unhappy or more unsocial than today. But everybody knows the feeling when you forget your phone at home: It's like you're naked, 'cause that phone is not only your phone. It's your calender, your social network, your news. It's all you need. 

Todays children are born in this electronic world. They can't even imagine life without computer, Playstation, X-box, Iphone, Ipad and all that everydays stuff. People are so addicted to their phones that it's almost scary. Everything has become more unsocial but still more social. By this I mean chatting and updating status in Facebook or Twitter not forgetting text messaging, where you actually chat and talk, without talking someone in person. Maybe it's a good thing but I personally would like to avoid hearing of somebodys sickness when I'm sitting in a subway. Some conversations would be better to leave at home instead of a public place.

I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day and just watching people around me. There was not a one single person who didn't have a mobile or a laptop on the table. That makes me to wonder what would happen if all that electronic wouldn't be working one day...