Snow angel

Winter. Walking throw the frozen lake leaving footprints on the ice. Watching snowflakes dancing in the air trying to catch them with my tongue. Laying on my back making snow angel. I'm alone but I can remember how we used to do these things together. We owned those nights, only forever could have stopped us. Moonlight and stars above me. I can't believe It's over. I'm here and you're there. I'm looking up to the night sky thinking we're still under the same stars. Silence. I can only hear the angels crying around me.

Perfectionist

I'm not perfect but I am perfectionist. To be perfectionist and knowing the fact that nobody's perfect can be a difficult combination. If it all goes as expected I'm like drugged, flying high and living my pink life. Sometimes I'm trying to reach higher than I can and then it all falls down.  Just a small failure feels like the end of the world. If l end there, there's nothing to do to rescue it. I want to be punished. I want to been taken under. Disappointed and angry to myself. I feel like I'm skum in this world, nothing worth.
Finding a balance and learning to accept that I'm allowed to make mistakes is a process I'm working with. Don't know if I've made any progress yet 'cause I still want to be nothing but perfect. And nobody is...

Blame it on the weather

Let's talk about something what fills lot in our conversations. Something what effects to our decissions. Something we never are satisfied over: Weather. It's a funny thing with people. It's always too windy, too rainy, too cold or too hot. Even though yesterday might have been cold and you've been complaining about it, then next day is maybe lovely warm but you're still being unsatisfied 'cause this time it's it's too hot. You are cancelling some of your plans because of the bad weather. You might use the weather as an excuse to avoid going out for exercise. 
The only real thing is that there isn't such a thing as bad weather, but there's bad clothing. You can always put a raincoat and rainboots on, an extra shirt under your coat, cloves or whatever weather asks for. Anyway, it's completely crazy that we keep talking so much about a thing we can't do any difference for. And yes, it's so irritating 'cause it's raining at the moument.

It's too easy

You just forgot, wiped it all out. For you it was so easy, just turn a page and start a new chapter. I can't believe how easy it was for you. If I only could do the same, but no.
It hurts to keep those memories, but It actually ment something for me. All too much to be thrown away.

My way or highway

Maybe it's just me I don't know, but I want things to get done my way. I'm not easy to deal with. If you don't agree, don't even try to make me to change my mind. Don't go away mad, just go away. I know what I want and I know how to get it, so don't bother. For an example I'll never go to the concert unless I'm in the front row or backstage with VIP. I'll never ask an autograf 'cause it's something a fan do. I want to be seen as me, I want to be noticed of something I am. I never do things if I feel I'm not appreciated. I don't want to get disappointed, I want to get positive suprised. I don't want to fail, I want to be succeed. I couldn't care a less if someone doesn't agree with me. I still respect others and their opinions, but I want things that matters to me, to be done my way... 

What's happening to me?

It's just one of those days. One of the days I'm so confused of everything. Why am I crying? I have no answer. The tears are just running. It just feels empty inside, that's all I can say. I feel nothing but I'm sad. How can it even be possible?  What's happening to me?

Traffic jam

My worst nightmare: Traffic jam. Waiting for hours to drive just a few miles. Nothing is worse than when you're in hurry and you should be at your destination in 10 minutes but you're already late.
The stress makes it all even worse. All you can see is hopeless drivers which have got their license from an automat or at least it looks that way. I hear myself calling people idiots, shit heads and all those words I never use, but in traffic there are no excuses: It all just comes out from my mouth. I can see myself giving a finger, clenching  my fist while changing a lane, and it doesn't help at all because the traffic lights are red anyway. 


My head is almost exploring when I'm looking the digital watch in my car. Still a few hundred meters to go...I'm almost there. My heart falls back into the normal rythm as soon as I stop the car in the parking line. I'm taking a deep breath. Can it be right that I'm the only competent driver in this country? Well, I guess the others say the same...