Perfectionist

I'm not perfect but I am perfectionist. To be perfectionist and knowing the fact that nobody's perfect can be a difficult combination. If it all goes as expected I'm like drugged, flying high and living my pink life. Sometimes I'm trying to reach higher than I can and then it all falls down.  Just a small failure feels like the end of the world. If l end there, there's nothing to do to rescue it. I want to be punished. I want to been taken under. Disappointed and angry to myself. I feel like I'm skum in this world, nothing worth.
Finding a balance and learning to accept that I'm allowed to make mistakes is a process I'm working with. Don't know if I've made any progress yet 'cause I still want to be nothing but perfect. And nobody is...