Stranger than fiction

I've always wondered how people can live in those small societys where they all know each other. That's because I was born and grown up in a big city myself where you have a chance to be nobody to anybody. There's more space for being different without anyone looking at you as a freak. It's not easy to hide in a small society but when you're living in the city, you hardly know people living in the same floor. 
Sometimes when I'm visiting somebody living outside the city I can just feel eyes staring on my back. It can really make you feel unwelcome. I have encourage to stand up and be myself, so I' don't care of those who doesn't respect that. Rather be the first-rate version of myself than second-rate version of someone else. It's sad that evrybody's born as originals but so many end up as copies. 

You need to have encourage to pursuit your own individuality. It can be difficult when no-one else doesn't agree with you and thinks you're weird and leaves you outside. But usually those who still believes in themselves are the ones who have possibilities to go all the way. As we all know, cruelty raises from weakness and all those who doesn't understand you will be after you. They know how to strangle a man by using words as weapons and that physical torture can bring you down if you're not strong enough.
Well even though you live in the big city or in a small town, it's all up to you how you're gonna end up with your life.There's always a chance to get and be what you want. As long as you keep believing in yourself.

Sleepwalker of life

She looks around, but can't see.



She studies life, but doesn't learn.


She listens, but doesn't hear.

She tries to find meaning of life, but gets lost herself.


She sings, but doesn't understand music.


She lives, but wants to die.                                                                                                                                                                                

The moment

Do you know the feeling when you catch the moment? I've felt it sometimes when standing on my surfboard hearing nothing but the ocean. Cold and wild the surf, rushing in to overwhelm the beach, the wind, stinging my cheeks, enveloping me in total freedom. You feel like the king of the world. It's such a cool feeling that it's unbelievable to deskribe unless you have tried it yourself. When I did skydive and jumped from the plane it was also one of those moments, such an adrenalin rush, like being above the whole world. 


The whole concept what people see as that moment will be propably different from person to person.
I guess you might catch the moment in a city like New York, where you suddenly realize it's totally silent. It doesn't happen often in the city that never sleeps, but it does. Maybe it's in the middle of the night when you wake up checking what time is it and it's exactly 00:00 o'clock. It's just those special moments when you feel it's something extraordinary, maybe a little spooky like those dejavu cases. I love to experience those shivering moments even if it's the one way or another. I prefer the extreme sports though. We all have our own moments and mine are not better than yours. The point is, it gives us the same feeling.

Under preasure

I was watching tv and saw something, which made me to think how much preasure there's been put on our children. I saw this program of some kind of beauty contest for young girls and they were like 6 years old! Those mothers were horrible, living their own dream throw their children pushing them to the outer limits. Those small innocent children were dressed like adults, with complete make-up on, talking as grown women. Completely brainwashed. If you ask them if it's themself or their mothers dream, you'll get that pollite correct answer that they want it themself. You can just see sadness throw their eyes.

There's so many others as well. Family, where father has been playing quaterback on a pretty high level, getting scholarship to some fine university because of his talent, but get's hurt and it's the end of the career. So the son has to go all the way.The son is afraid of disappointing his dad, and instead of following his own dream, he'll follow his fathers.


I've seen how in a friendly ice hockey match or soccer game for boys, not older than 10 years becomes a battlefield for adults, where fathers starts hitting each other and mothers just being mean verbally. All this in front of a flock children. sitting there,watching scared and embarrissed their parents to lose control. And the only thing they want is to play their game, which doesn't count of anything, there's not even any prizes. It only supposed to be fun.


Well, they're getting older and parents just keep pushing. Those young teenagers who doesn't have encourage to get against them, are just struggeling with their selfesteem closing themselves, getting eating disorders and other mental problems to live up all those expectations there's been set for them.


 I don't mean children should just stop the things they are doing, I just mean there's better ways than pushing. It doesn't help if you keep telling how good you were yourself, how far you reached, you just need to be there for your children. Being there as a parent, showing it doesn't matter if they're not ending up number one every time. Just as long as they know they've done the best they could. I guess we can always be better to listen to our children to create them the best life possible.

My beautiful earth

Be quiet. Listen. Life is full of beauty.


Summer with the breeze so gently, the sun so warm.
Footprints on the golden beach, soon be washed away by the waves.


Fall with raindrops falling, smell of the rain.
Storm throwing leaves around. Feel the wind all the way deep in to your bones.


Winter with snowflakes dancing in the air, making it all shinning bright. Northern lights above on the sky. Icicles as crystals hanging on trees.


Spring waking the nature alive, melting snow, grass becoming green, flowers in bloom ready to kiss summer welcome again.


The whole solarsystem above us. The sun and the moon dancing in the circle with thousands of shinning stars. I feel so little but nothing can bring me down today. 

I love the earth.

Shoppaholic

I know it, you don't need to say that word, but yes I'm shoppaholic. I can walk in the mall and spend the whole tired day just trying things on and shopping. I love the feeling when you come home after closing time with all those bags with full of treasures. Just the scent of new shoes, new bag og jacket, that scent of new leather. It's incredible. Your feet hurts after walking the whole day in high heels, but in this case it feels good 'cause you know you've done something you love.

I don't even need to use a lot of money to get that satisfaction out of it. It can be a tiny thing like a scarf or other acessories, as long I love the thing I've bought. It's not the item itself, it's the whole shopping experince. I would lie if there would be a day without me not shopping anything. It's like a drug, a pleasure.

I don't even need necesserily have to buy for myself. I can use money to find a perfect birthday card to someone special. It can take me hours, but I love the feeling when I'm back at home and I have found that specific card after hours of search. 

Well, we all have our own demons, and this must be one of mine. I only live once and I want to live everyday like it would be my last. I keep shopping...

The night is still young

Waking up in the middle of the night when my mobile is playing that familiar sound. I know It's be you, again. That's something I have been afraid of since you stepped out of my life. You just keep doing that everytime I have forgotten you. You open the scars, which are still bleeding, and I know I'll be driving that same rollercoaster again, without having a chance to jump off. I wonder how you would feel tonight I won't be there because you're always making me cry.

My phone keeps ringing. My heart hurts. I want to answer, but my arms are too heavy to lift up. Tears are flowing down on my cheeks, I'm biting my tooth together and trying to hold it inside. 

Then, suddenly I pick it up and ask what is it you want from me. I'm telling you there's no us anymore and that you should stop calling me 'cause there's nobody who can keep living like this. You are drunk, as always, and I know if I'm giving up now, it'll cost me a broken heart again.

I'm putting the phone down. Reliefed, but sad anyway. The rest of the night I can't sleep because all the old memories are running throw my head. I'm standing up, walking to the window looking above this city. It's so dark outside that I can't see much. The phone hasn't ringed since I finished that call. I feel a huge chunk in my throat, wanna cry again. This time it maybe really was the last time you called, and I actually kind of liked it anyway...

I'm picking up my phone, dialing the familiar number and texting: Give me half an hour...