An optimist

A pessimist sees a difficulty in oppornity. An optimist sees an oppornity in difficulty. Which one are you? I have to admit that in my case the key is what it's all about. If it's something I'm burning for, then I know I'll do it no matter how difficult it might be. If it's something I could care a less then I don't even bother to look at it 'cause I feel I don't have a chance. It's funny because often those things I'm on are more difficult and unrealistic than the others, but I have such a big will to fight for them and I'll do anything to find my way. I hope I could have the same "let's do it" mood in everything, but unfortunally you can't have it all. Well at least I can see what the problem is and maybe become better to try even though it sometimes looks way too much. 

Alone

I remember how I used to be afraid that day when you're not with me any longer. I'm not afraid anymore. 


Now I know how it feels.


I can still feel you around. I can still see your  things around. You told me to get over it. I might can forgive, but I can never forget...

Mirror, mirror on the wall

When you look into a mirror it's not yourself you see. But some kind of apish error put in fearful symmetry. It's funny how we see ourselves in other peoples eyes. We use incredible lot of time thinking what the others think about us. If you have a pimple on your nose and you have a date, the only thing you see is that huge red spot in the middle of your face. You forget everything else when all your thoughts are running throw your head: What might he think about you now. After few months when you're closer and you can finally ask if he remembers the first date how you had that huge thing sitting in your face, he often say that he haven't noticed it at all. It's our mind making tricks on us, it's all in our heads, but the more you think the more paranoid you'll get. We just have to learn to carry ourselves the way we are without putting ourselves under the microscope pointing all the faults we can find. Mirror mirror on the wall...

Hounting of youth

One thing is a fact: We all get older. There's nobody in this world who can change it. We are trying to hount the source of the youth, hysterically watching beauty magazines which doesn't make anything but give us low self esteem. Models today are younger and younger, actually closer to teenage years. Those who are between 25-35 getting their first wrinkles are getting even more depressed looking at them and it's not enough that they're young. The pictures are completely re-touched removing all pores, marks and spots making the skin looking as smooth as porcelain. The worst part is, that even we are told that fact we are still dreaming of those false faces. Actresses are living under neverending preasure when the younger colleagues are taking their parts. They keep using hundreds of dollars to buy anti-wrinkle cosmetics, taking treatments, using botox or choosing face-lift. It  usually  becomes an obsession and in the end the whole face mimik is gone and then the roles are even more difficult to get. Well, nobody wants to look old but the fact is we all do get older. Why can't we just accept it because it doesn't make us any younger anyway. Well, I'll take to oxygen treatment myself. I'm one of those who just keeps hounting the youth source...

Into the wild

In to the wild. Thrilling adventures all over the world. You only live once and one day you might realize it's too late. Life without living it, days flowing together. I don't wanna regret later on that I haven't tried things. It's about everything, everywhere. I'd rather burn out than fade away. You have to feel you're alive. You have to feel chivers and adrenalin running throw your body. You have to take chances. I'm gonna live my life like everyday would be the last. Besides: You never know.

Snow angel

Winter. Walking throw the frozen lake leaving footprints on the ice. Watching snowflakes dancing in the air trying to catch them with my tongue. Laying on my back making snow angel. I'm alone but I can remember how we used to do these things together. We owned those nights, only forever could have stopped us. Moonlight and stars above me. I can't believe It's over. I'm here and you're there. I'm looking up to the night sky thinking we're still under the same stars. Silence. I can only hear the angels crying around me.

Perfectionist

I'm not perfect but I am perfectionist. To be perfectionist and knowing the fact that nobody's perfect can be a difficult combination. If it all goes as expected I'm like drugged, flying high and living my pink life. Sometimes I'm trying to reach higher than I can and then it all falls down.  Just a small failure feels like the end of the world. If l end there, there's nothing to do to rescue it. I want to be punished. I want to been taken under. Disappointed and angry to myself. I feel like I'm skum in this world, nothing worth.
Finding a balance and learning to accept that I'm allowed to make mistakes is a process I'm working with. Don't know if I've made any progress yet 'cause I still want to be nothing but perfect. And nobody is...